ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Hey everybody!

I was playing on an awesome author's - Ashlyn Chase - Yahoo! Group the other day and I saw this. I literally started to LOL. You need to read this! Beware though, your gonna need to put down your coffee so you don't spite it at your screen!

Enjoy a good laugh! These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place..

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does

it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it

affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an

example of something you forgot?

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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter

has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,

he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the

twenty-year- old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your

picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of

the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at

that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid.

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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a

different attorney.

Can I get a new attorney?

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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage

terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it

terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the

individual?

WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height,

and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town,

I'm going with male.

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your

autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put

up too much of a fight.

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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be

oral, OK?

What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that

you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m

ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at

the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I

finished.

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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a

urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that

question?

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And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed

the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood

pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that

the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No .

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was

sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still

been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have

been alive and practicing law.